I swear, the more things seem like they're going right, the more new things crop up.

Honestly. The red tape involved in all of this is enough to make me want to KILL something. Kill it dead.

So. I finally get the confirmation of my unemployment stuff. Get ready to fax the proof to the college, and discover that there's yet ANOTHER fucking snafu with financial aid. Oh, and they want proof of my GED that I had to get because Washington state didn't accept my high school credits as 'graduated from high school because it's an equivalency in Texas, not a high school degree'. Son of a deleted for sheer profanity against several gods and livestock.

*sigh*

So now I have to find some way to make North Seattle cough up proof of my GED, because somewhere in the many moves I have misplaced the folder that contains that stupid certificate. North Seattle doesn't give that information out over the phone or on the internet. You have to go in and GET it, and it can take them 6-8 weeks to have it ready for you. WHAT THE FUCKING HELL is this?

Why do I need yet another stress test, really? This is fucking ridiculous. I swear, I'm ready to go both barrels on the next person/thing/entity to get in my way, and really, it's not pretty and it probably won't be that being's fault. It's just gotten so damned frustrating.

Add to the fact that I have the same crud that David does, but I have to function in the real world too at the moment, and it's NOT adding up to be a very good day at all. My anxiety's through the roof, I feel like shit (literally), and I haven't done more than rent my meals for the past 48 hours. I have a goddamned fever, I have a nasty 2nd degree burn on my hand, typing fucking hurts, and none of this is fair. I'm trying, very hard, to keep my chin up and not be a total assbastard about the whole thing, but this has finally reached stupid. Just fucking stupid.

GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!

I'm priesting the ritual at OLOTEAS today, and I can just say this: It's gonna be a long day.

Of all the days of the year for me to feel like I've got a limited number of spoons to deal with, today was NOT the day I would have chosen. :/

The ifs keep creeping in:

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I guess suffice to say, I need to put my man-panties on and just deal with it, but by god (and there are several of them now), I don't want to. I wanted this to be easier, not fraught with a combination of less than ideal circumstances and my own insecurities.

Anyhow, my ride should be here any minute, so I should go.

Wish me luck!

Returned home by 1:30. Cats good. House generally okay, but we have no water. I am currently trying to thaw them out as we speak. This could go well or it could go very, very badly.

In other news:

1) I am home. I can survive by myself just fine. Really. The cats, they love me.
2) David is staying with his Mom, who needs him.
3) I need a hair dryer. I'm about to venture out into the snow to procure one, and use the bathroom at the store, as we have no water (see above statement).
4) I am stronger than this. Really. I know I am.
5) This will be the first time ever I've spent Christmas/Solstice/Yule alone. OMG, bummed.
6) See #1 and #4, because I really don't believe it.

Very nearly having a nervous breakdown due to the stress of the stupidity caused by the lack of forsight on the part of my supervisor....

Apparently Everett got all Orange County on our asses. Something I didn't know till I got home after my usually 25 minute bus ride turned into over an hour.

That's when DSO informed me of the day's fun and games. Apparently after a high speed car chase (precipitated by a violet carjacking of some little Mazda), the heros of our tale wrecked in the Everett Mall parking lot, ran through the foodcourt (and almost ran down two latter-day wannabe gangergirls). They then got into a tussel with the cops outside our local cinema, carjacked another car, and drove all the way to Mill Creek...so they could have a shootout with the cops at Fred Meyers. Oh joy.

*rolls eyes here*

CJ

I've got two for you today.

First off, the firefighters in Braintree, MA, apparently mistook the address and managed to burn a house in a practice burn...that wasn't the right house. Apparently the homeowner is very forgiving; the house was undergoing renovations due to a previous fire.

Also, in a similar vein,

Our local Komo TV 4 news just let out this profile; you know, things to look out for:

Children who are:

-13 to 17 years old
-Socially awkward/Get good grades
-Missing flamables like gasoline
-Burn and/or melted plastic

Oh no. These kids aren't going to do the next Columbine or Federal Building. They're apparently making homemade flamethrowers...and now not only are the smartest of them informed HOW it can be done...but it's one more reason to persecute the bright humans.

*facepalm*

CJ

Minnesota, in the name of patriotism, has just made it a crime to sell American flags not made in America. I wonder...do they count flags that appear on objects like clothing? What about flag-coloured objects?

Somehow, I feel a little less free, hearing that.

CJ

AUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!

I did not need to know that they can take your gall bladder out by going through your mouth. That is WAY too anal alien technology probe for me!

CJ

I really don't.

I mean, we're not that close. But. Mom could call me to tell me my cousin Justin had been the victim of a home invasion robbery...but...couldn't call me to tell me the exact date of my own brother's wedding (She'd told me it was in June...that was it)...

So I call her at work this morning. She's not there. She's out of town at the wedding.
She's not answering her cell phone.

Right now, I'm so...angry I don't know what to do. Even my grandmother didn't call. You know, NONE of my relatives ever call me (with the exception of above call). My grandfather goes into the hospital? No one calls. My grandmother dies? I have to keep calling to ask what's going on. My brother's getting MARRIED...I haven't a clue. I didn't even get an invitation.

I'm so fucking sick of this. How can I be homesick for these people if they keep treating me this way? It's not fucking fair.

I'm being drug off to a movie against my will. This better not suck. Trust me. I'll report back if it does.

I love you anyway.

CJ

Great. Another mass shooting here in Seattle. Whole damn city's gone nuts.

And as an open note to the reporters, the police are making you move back because they don't want your ass kacked by some sniper. Then they'd have ANOTHER murder to investigate. They're not trying to ruin your Pulitzer Prize material.

CJ

I feel like a pair of underwear that's been worn past the point of no return. My waistband won't snap back like it should, there's a hole in my ass, and someone crapped and didn't wipe.

CJ

It's just one of those things.

I try not to rant about it.

I try not to talk about it.

I certainly try not to clog up the internet with my version of angst. God knows, there's enough angst and broodiness from the ten zillion teenagers on this place that they don't need MINE too.

But right now, I'm so close to just exploding and raining frustration and upset all over my household (small as that is), it's not even funny.

I just want to bury my head against DSO and bawl. Except that never seems QUITE possible.

We don't even have a comfy couch to do that on. We have a couch, it's just not condusive to cuddling together and bawling...because it's a futon. No arms to curl into, and support one's self with. It's stupid. I utterly loathe the thing, and I was the one that picked it out.

Gads, was I stupid.

Things need to change. I don't like this feeling of isolation, and I don't like all this frustration.

I get a lot of frustration at work. I get caught between the hammer and the anvil, between customers who want their medications and insurance companies that don't want to pay out. And because I have a human face and the insurance companies do not, customers think it's perfectly acceptable to rail at me, call me a liar, threaten my life, you name it. If you think working in a pharmacy is low stress, you're dead wrong.

I feel so frustrated right now. The one thing I WANT to be doing, I cannot. Because we're dependant upon a friend's computer network. Which is down. We can't seem to get one set up in our apartment, try as we might. We follow all the instructions we're given, and nothing seems to work, and when we say it's not working, people stare at us like we're insane for it not working.

Both of our cars are screwed up through no fault of ours, because someone else wrecked one into the other. I wasn't even driving. Insurance company refuses to pay out, because there's a whiff of an 'out', and they don't want to bother with us. Nevermind we pay them $2000 a year, and have for years. That's meaningless.

This is, of course, simply a rant. It's not even got a funny story. It just IS.

Like the horse. God. I'm so stressed out, angry, hurt, and frustrated and TIRED when I get home from work, I'm too tired to want to drive up to see the horse. And that's WRONG. It's wrong of me. I hate living in this fucking city.

And right now I'm ranting. It's not even being drunk (and I can't get drunk, because I have to be at work in 5 hours). Though I certainly wish I was. The constant ACHE of the stress of that place has ruined my temper, my personality, my ability to deal with DSO, everything. I can't even enjoy my hobbies right now. I'm too stressed out. The slightest thing goes wrong, and my temper goes through the ROOF, like a thwarted 3 year old. And I can't even seem to control THAT.

Part of it is the simple isolated feeling. I don't know how I can feel so bloody alone, but I do. And that's wrong too.

And I'm sitting here, listening to some stupid assed 'psychic detective' thing...about two lesbians who were murdered on a camping trip. Oh hell, people, this was on national TV for weeks when it happened, it's been on America's Most Wanted. And they're all running around, looking spooky, going, "Gasp! It's a hate crime!" Well fucking DUH. I don't know how psychic they are, because it was such a high profile case.

So at the moment, I'm fucking irritated at them.

And it's the middle of the night, so I can't very well whip out the sewing machine and work on the project I'm supposed to be working on, and that's a REAL problem.

Feh. I need help. I need a new job and that's frustrating too. I've been looking. Seriously LOOKING. I've applied to an average of 2 different jobs a DAY since the beinning of March. Three nibbles, one rejection, and one that's pending and keeping me on pins and needles. The problem is, I live too close to the schools pumping out pharmacy techs. I need to get at least 30-50 miles away, where pharmacy techs aren't thick as theives.

Anyway, on with my ranting. If I'm gonna do it, I might as well just SPEW and worry about the rest later. I was finally not tired and not unhappy enough to want to indulge in my oldest hobby (well, maybe second oldest) and get online and try some old fashion text based RP...and I can't even do that. And I seriously LOATHE the instant messenger things. They're just...inelegant, clumsy, and hard to work with. And that's causing me frustration and anger too, because now I'm mad at myself for not 'being able to perform.'

God, I'm fucked up. Just royally messed with in the head. I can't even tell what's my stress anymore, and what's just my neurotics.

And I wanna thump this whey-faced 'psychic' in the mouth. He's so bloody patheticly BAD, it's not funny.

Eh.

Let me just say this. As of yet, I have no firm information beyond this.

When driving one's new used car home, it is generally a bad idea to have it get into a wreck with your old used car.

No one is badly hurt. Except both vehicles.

More will be updated, as information comes in.

CJ

This was Amazon's response. Of all the numbskull things.

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Why don't you just have a stupid key to send the email to the bloody account, just like it should have done when I typed in my email the FIRST time, saying I couldn't remember my account password?

Morons. Again. Morons.

CJ

Dammit. I've used the same email address for years on their site. And I'm pretty sure I haven't changed the stupid password in a while. Probably longer than I should've let it go.

Suddenly, when I try and login, they say it's the wrong password, and when I try and get them to email me a password, they say there's no account with that email address. So I try and sign up with the same address, and they say that there's an account with that address, so go back and try and get them to email me my password.

AUGH.

Morons.

CJ

You know, I've had the sneaking suspicion for the last 6 months that they wanted me out of this place. Well. Fine. That's it. I've fucking had enough.

Today, we get told less than 24 hours before our paychecks are due, that we won't get them till Monday.

Obviously, I have bills Friday. I can't wait till Monday.

That's fucking enough. I'm tired of the double talk, the changing policies that are never written, and the complete and utter disreguard of me as a human being, much less as an employee.

Hope they're happy.

Bastards.

CJ

Do NOT eat hot and spicy buffalo sauce (meant for wings, but I was out of wings) with pretzels, then forget and rub your dog-forsnugging EYE!

Ow. I can barely see.

Damn.

Cuze the profanity.

With all the upheaval and change in my life in the last month (has it only been a month? Good gods...), you'd think I wouldn't want MORE upheaval, change, or complications.

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