Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages! Step up, step up now to witness the most horrifying, gratifying, satisfying slasher flick of all time!

A dinosaur! A prehistoric beast, held here for a limited time only, it hearkens back, the last of its breed: A classy, sassy, edge of your seat, spine tingling slash-o-rama, with blood, gore, brains, and a little cum to boot!

That's right folks, this is it. The real thing! See naughty teens sneaking into a one of a kind retired dark ride, one of the last of its kind, site of horrific murders the likes of which we can only PRAY will never occur again in our lifetimes! See them party, have premarital fornications the likes of which even Soddom and Gammorah were too ashamed to indulge in! Recoil in horror as they abuse blasphemous, Satan-spawned drugs and turn into reefer-crazed criminals! See them progress into depravity, from simple breaking and entering to hideous murder most foul!

What's this? You don't believe? You cannot imagine that what I'm saying is true? Well them ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, AVERT your EYES upon entering! It's quite alright if you're not man enough to watch this thriller; few are the men who have the nerve and backbone to witness such horrors. Ladies, I'd suggest you stay towards the back, and cover the eyes of sensitive children. At least then you can say you've stood in the presence of such greatness!

Seriously though, folks. Dark Ride was an amusing romp. Reminded me of good old fashioned slasher flicks of the 80s, with their preachy crapola and everyone dying. I mean really. Who is going to go hide in that creepy dark barn? Exactly. But it's fun. It's amusing. And it makes up for its lack of elevator decapitations by having... well. You'll see.

Two interrupted fellatios and a sympathy fuck.

CJ